Thursday, October 18, 2012


We're half-way through October, and I'm distressed about it. There's so much more to do. I haven't eaten all this candy corn. I haven't visited any haunted locations. And I've only dressed up for Halloween once.

Ok, maybe twice. It's been awfully windy around Deathrage Towers, and the decorations I secured to the outside of the penthouse windows have all blown down and by "I secured" I really mean someone else did. I sent a couple of Administrative Assistants out on the ledge with a few inches of tape and a string of orange lights, and haven't seen them in a while. I should have someone check on that. That's not important right now. What's important is that I am trying to watch as many monster movies as I can before the big day. It's not as easy as it sounds. I wanted to sign up for The Cult Movie Network through my blu-ray player because I've seen just about everything on Netflix. It involves knowing numbers, and passwords, and it involves more than one step; so obviously I gave up in frustration after 15 seconds. I wish one of those Administrative Assistants hadn't plummeted from the penthouse ledge so they can set that up for me. You just can't keep good help nowadays.

Anyway, I watched Rodan on DVD from my Godzilla DVD box set. No, you can't borrow it. Get a job and buy your own, and no, I'm not hiring.

Wait, maybe I am. Has anyone checked the sidewalk outside the building for some administrative assistants lying around on the job? Someone should do that. If you're not sure which ones are the administrative assistants, they might've been partially liquified from a 42-story fall, their fists are clutching Scotch tape and decorative lights, and they have a look of job dissatisfaction on their faces.

Let's stay focused, OK? I watched Rodan because I couldn't figure out the instructions on the blu-ray player, and it's a classic giant monster movie, and by "classic giant monster movie" I mean some guy dressed up in a rubber pelican suit dangles from strings and destroys a miniaturized Japan. There's voiceover narration where someone says "an angry mushroom cloud" and that a subterranean cave created by larval-stage Rodan offspring have created "an evil smell". I don't know what that means. There's also stock footage, various unnecessary wild animal noises, repetitive shots of Japanese army tanks, and lots and lots of explosions. It's pretty great if you like stuff that sucks. Here's a trailer:

No comments:

Post a Comment