Wednesday, October 24, 2012

More half-assed reviews

It's the holiday season, and it's a very busy time for me. I've been hanging out in graveyards, going to various pumpkin-related festivals, eating Halloween Oreos, and generally being awesome. That puts a damper on bad movie reviewing. I still watch them, I just don't review them. Since I have an extremely short attention span, I forget I watched them. So, here's a brief sampling of some of the movies I watched but didn't get around to reviewing...

Son Of Frankenstein
I am a big fan of the Frankenstein Monster. I think I have a lot in common with him. We both inhabit a world we don't understand, we both strike terror in the hearts of the general public, and we both get chased through the wilderness by torch-wielding villagers. Anyway, the son of Dr. Frankenstein carries on the work of his dad; which involves digging up chunks of really big dead guys, stitching them together, applying electricity, and then being surprised that no one appreciates that. I think it's somewhat suspicious that all these Dr. Frankensteins keep doing the same thing over and over again and keep expecting different results. Haven't they seen any of those other movies? And the fact that they keep making men. Big ones. With big hands and big feet. Over and over again. It's just something to think about.


Yahoo recently had an article called "The Scariest Movies You've Never Seen". Sorry to burst your bubble, Yahoo, but I've seen 'em. The only one I somehow missed was Pulse, which is an internet-era ghost story. I enjoy Asian horror films, but I'm not especially terrified by what passes for ghosts in Asian horror films. They look just like everyone else, only they're usually looking down, or they have their hair in their faces, or they're crawling around like crabs, or their hanging around mostly offscreen. Because I generally ignore people, even in real life everyone looks like they're mostly offscreen to me so I don't find that to be very unusual. Anyway, Pulse has something to do with some website, and the ghost dimension has filled up, and now ghosts are everywhere. It was ok, but I wasn't knocked out by it.


I'm a fan of noisy music. The noisier, the better. The more convoluted, difficult, and upsetting, the better. City/Ruins is a low-budget documentary about the Cleveland Experimental/Industrial Noise Music scene, where bands that few people have heard of that make music that sounds like a vacuum cleaner being shoved down a flight of stairs talk about other bands that few people have heard of that make music that sounds like a vacuum cleaner being shoved down a flight of stairs. There are quite a few clips of very intense guys making an unholy racket using equipment tucked into suitcases, so there's that. If you're looking for melody, look elsewhere.

Kill, Baby, Kill

Kill, Baby, Kill  has something to do with gold coins in people's hearts, a witch, women screaming and moaning wearing lingerie and sporting huge blown-out Lana Del Rey hair, open coffins scattered about, doors opening by themselves, foggy cemeteries, grave-robbing, creepy children whose faces peer through dirty windows, cobwebs, machetes, spooky organ music and dodgy dubbing. Other than that, I have no idea what happened. 

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