Wednesday, June 11, 2014

End Of The World

Christopher Lee stars in this sci-fi film where a scientist discovers strange signals that foretell great calamities on Earth.

Spoiler Alert: The title of this film gives away the ending of the film. Seriously. You know, usually in older films whenever there is some sort of cosmic catastrophe befalling the Earth, the Earth escapes unharmed. Not so in this film. I don't know about you, but I always find it refreshing when the Earth is completely destroyed. It's a nice change of pace.

Anyway, after Christopher Lee sees a short order cook get scalded by an exploding coffeemaker and then abruptly flings himself out a neon-sign covered window, a whole bunch of science-y stuff happens and some folks get roughed up by a bunch of nuns. Then Christopher Lee says that disease is spreading from the Earth throughout the Universe which seems very likely. Then the Earth explodes.

You're going to find this very hard to believe, but plate tectonics are not caused by the dissipation of heat from the Earth's mantle. It's powered by arts & crafts, specifically glitter. Lurking at the planet's core is the stuff teenagers glue to poster board to advertise their car wash.

The Earth is filled with shiny glitter, ready to explode in a disco fury from any number of extraterrestrial attacks. In layman's terms, the Earth is a glitter-filled pinata, and somewhere in the universe E.T. is holding the stick. Doomsday is imminent, and the soundtrack of our demise is by K-Tel.

Yes, the power that causes earthquakes, creates mountain ranges, and slides continents across the surface of the planet is fueled by glitter and KC & The Sunshine Band.

And I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest the theory that sequins might also play a role.

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