Monday, June 9, 2014

Godzilla Raids Again

A kaiju that's not Godzilla but looks and sounds suspiciously like Godzilla battles another kaiju and destroys parts of Japan in this wholly original, not-quite Godzilla film. Unlike other Godzilla films, two guys in rubber suits and sometimes a hand puppet wrestle amidst miniature boats, planes, and tanks. Things explode, and people run in terror. They knock over miniature buildings amidst voiceover narration and stock footage.

Wait a second, that sounds nearly exactly like almost every other Godzilla movie.

It's a little slow moving when not-exactly-Godzilla isn't onscreen, but that's they way Godzilla movies are. There are a few great shots of not-exactly-Godzilla in close-up as things blow up around him. But unfortunately, Godzilla can't be onscreen continuously in a Godzilla movie because that would be awesome, and actual people have to read lines and do things, which is a drag. Seriously, who does Godzilla think he is, Robert Redford?

Why hasn't someone written a quality script for Godzilla where he courageously battles the sea for two and a half hours in an obvious ploy for a Best Actor Oscar? Maybe it's difficult for casting directors to see Godzilla in a role that explores the relationship between man and nature where ultimately man finds himself, when A) Godzilla isn't a man, B) Godzilla is best in an urban setting, and C) Godzilla wouldn't fit on a boat. Anyway, putting Godzilla on a boat would be a sure way to garner a Best Actor nomination, and maybe even a Lifetime Achievement Award.

Godzilla makes fire all the time. Big whoop, Hanks.

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