Monday, December 8, 2014

Deadly Bees

After collapsing on set from a strenuous session of lip-syncing, a nosy, mink-wearing pop chanteuse is sent to convalesce on a creepy remote island bee farm with a cranky, sinister beekeeper and his chain-smoking wife, where she inexplicably meets a second, slightly-less sinister beekeeper who inexplicably keeps bees in a secret wall hive because that's not at all suspicious, and it's difficult to keep all the beekeepers straight although there only seems to be about a half-a-dozen people on the whole island. The sinister beekeeper and his chain-smoking wife bicker, and neither one of them seem to mention the arm-long hypodermic needle or the pint of horse blood that's just hanging around. The sinister beekeeper throws a bucket, and meanwhile someone keeps editing in the same shot of someone shaking out a screen of bees against a blue sky over and over. Suddenly, the Shaggy D.A. is attacked by poorly green-screened bees, and the dog's death stops the chain-smoking wife from chain-smoking for five seconds, and by "stops chain-smoking" I mean "cries hysterically and sets fire to all the hives with kerosene". Then there's a bee-filled montage dream recap, the chanteuse sets a fire in the bathroom while wearing a slip (which sounds a little like a failed Adele song), there's a high-speed Jeep chase, someone ends up face down in the mud, and the police use scientific forensics by sniffing the working end of a blood-filled hypodermic needle. Anyway, I didn't realize pop chanteuses were equally adept at solving mysteries as they are blazing a trail atop the pop charts, but now I know.

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