Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Life After Beth

I attempted to watch the zom-rom-com Life after Beth last night, and I forgot it was Cyber Monday, which in all honesty shouldn't even be a thing, and because everyone in the world was trying to annoy me and purchase holiday gifts for their friends and loved ones, Amazon Prime kept buffering due to high traffic of everyone buying their zombie apocalypse horse head masks, which was very inconsiderate of everyone in the world to do to me.

So what should have been a ninety-odd minute movie turned into a two-and-a-half hour living nightmare, which completely ruined my movie experience, but I'm pretty much used to things being ruined. One plus for my evening, though. I finally found some Little Debbie Cherry Cordial cakes, which are a hideously delicious snack cake that tastes a little like cough syrup, and just like cough syrup, I'm hideously addicted to them.

As I was purchasing them from the local supermarket, the checkout clerk held the box up, gave them a suspicious glance, and asked me, "So, do these taste like chocolate covered cherries?" Since I wasn't in the mood to point out the obvious, that they're chocolate covered, cherry-filling filled snack cakes, I just said "Yeah", and I didn't destroy the Earth at all, but I was tempted to.

Life After Beth is one of those zombie movies, like Shawn Of The Dead, where normal people don't really seem to notice their surroundings, and they seem to be oblivious to the fact that the world is going to heck in a handbasket, which is fine by me. If no one seems to notice that Little Debbie Cherry Cordials taste like chocolate covered cherries, then I can buy them all and ride out the inevitable zombie apocalypse, which is probably happening right now and no one is noticing because they're busy buying zombie apocalypse horse head masks and buffering the heck out of my movie.

So I watched Life After Beth for what seemed like forever, even though music by Brian Eno, Can, and The Brian Jonestown Massacre played on the soundtrack, and after about a million years and a really terrible acoustic guitar performance by the nondescript lead actor, Aubrey Plaza finally goes nutty and knocks down a beach bungalow, and the only thing that can comfort her is smooth jazz, and strangely enough, smooth jazz makes me want to freak out and knock down a beach bungalow.

I don't really care for smooth things, although I do enjoy the smooth flavor of a Little Debbie Cherry Cordial. Any way, Life After Beth is a dryly funny zombie movie that underutilizes its supporting cast, but Aubrey Plaza froths and foams at the mouth in the latter half of the film.

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