Sunday, December 21, 2014

Demented Death Farm Massacre

4 unconvincing jewel thieves hide from the fuzz in this horror film that suspiciously lacks any death farm massacres. John Carradine unconvincingly stars as an unconvincing Judge Death, and he unconvincingly narrates the film, and by "narrates" I mean "he struggles to remember his lines, looks up a lot, and doesn't seem to believe what he's saying". Then the four jewel thieves walk through the woods, and you should get used to that because people walk around a lot in this film. After lots and lots of stagey, wooden dialogue, one of the female jewel thieves wearing a rope for a belt gets killed with a jug of moonshine after an unconvincing cat fight, then there's a tedious high-speed jeep chase with banjo accompaniment. Demented Death Farm Massacre isn't particularly demented, doesn't seem to occur on a farm, and has very few massacres of any variety.

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