Sunday, December 14, 2014

The Crimson Cult

Boris Karloff, Christopher Lee, and Barbara Steele do some witchy stuff in this seemingly unending horror film. A chick in pasties whips another chick chained to a bench while a blue Barbara Steele wears a ram head-dress. Someone cuddles a chicken, someone else cuddles a goat, a muscle dude wears a leather mask and tiny underpants, and a chick wearing a lacy red leotard and granny panties gets chased through the forest. I'm not sure why. Then someone gets their decolletage painted, and two dudes shower each other in champagne. I'm pretty sure why. Suddenly, Christopher Lee and Boris Karloff show up, and they sip brandy and disparage the lead character. The villagers burn a witch in effigy, and fireworks nearly set Boris Karloff on fire. Boris Karloff and Christopher Lee take a suspicious midnight stroll in a cemetery, then it's back to the mansion for more brandy, putdowns, and octogenarian eyerolling as Boris invites the lead character back to his pad to show him his instruments of torture which is probably fine. Various Scooby-Doo shenanigans occur for the next hour or so, including explaining how the villain filled a hidden attic torture chamber with some phony cobwebs, and you almost expect someone to say "Zoinks!" or at least "Jinkies!" but they don't.

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