Monday, September 12, 2011

Billy The Kid Versus Dracula: Terrible Movies #183

The film opens with a bat dangling from a string while settlers doze near a covered wagon by campfire as a theremin ominously plays. Then John Carradine appears, and we can only assume he is Dracula because of the goatee, cravat, cape, and top hat. I mean seriously, who in the Wild West dresses like that? It's like, "Hi, I'm a vampire.". Well, it used to be. Nowadays, the youngsters can only tell if someone's a vampire if the suspect seems a little pale, looks a little nauseous, and stares forlornly at Kristen Stewart; but I digress. Anyway, during a day for night shot a jabbering old woman sets up the plot aboard a carriage with a drunk and Dracula, who gets all pervy over a daguerreotype of her hot teenage daughter. After a stop somewhere along the trail, Dracula becomes lit below by a red light and kills a Native American girl causing the "savages" to go on a rampage because it's in the script. Then Billy The 35-Year-Old Kid shoots a tin can, and everyone becomes concerned that the guy dressed like a vampire might actually be one. So, it's pretty much Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter, just substitute Billy The Kid for Jesse James and Dracula for...uh, well...I'm not sure. I don't think it matters that much. There's a lot of terrible acting and John Carradine carries around his victims a few times, and you're fairly certain he should have a stunt double do the heavy lifting, and he gets hit in the face by a gun because that's a sure fire way to foil a vampire attack and it makes perfect sense. And we have a clip! It's priceless:

Wasn't that awesome? Yeah, I thought so, too. I highly recommend this film if you like stuff that sucks. I watched it in 6 parts on Youtube, and I think it took me a month and a half but I did it.

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