Saturday, August 9, 2014

Dark Secrets/Forgotten Planet/Paranormal Home Inspectors

Sorry if my output of reviews have nearly trickled to a stop lately, as I have been busy writing my next book with the provisional title of "Stabford Deathrage Goes To Hell (Don't Worry, He's Been There Before & He Bought A Souvenir T-Shirt)", traveling the country doing awesome things, and viewing movies as a member of the selection committee for a major international film festival, and by "sorry" I really mean "I'm not that sorry, but I am exhausted". 

Experiencing rock & roll history at Sun Studios in Memphis

Relaxing at a luxurious rooftop pool in Dallas

Enjoying artisan donuts from Glazed Donut Worx in Deep Ellum, Dallas

Visiting a grave in Saint Louis Cemetery #1, New Orleans

Fun Fact: Did you know you can get a hot 2-pack of Big Az brand chili cheese dogs from a vending machine outside the rest area toilets in Louisiana? Neither did I!

*Sorry, photo not available of the chili dogs

Currently, I have approximately a dozen reviews in the draft stage, and I'll post them when I'm good and ready, and by "I'll post them when I'm good and ready" I mean "I probably won't get around to them honestly, or I might just fling them as-is on Blogger in a half-assed fashion, and you'll have to be satisfied with that". 

Since I ever-so-slightly resemble an human being, sometimes I become a little overwhelmed from the sheer volume of films I watch, and I just can't bring myself to watch another movie. I no longer have access to regular television, and I cut the cable cord a long time ago. I don't have room in my life for the time that's dedicated to a television series, so I did the rational thing by contradicting myself and binge-watched three paranormal TV programs on Netflix. 

Whenever I travel, I try to visit haunted locations, but I try not to mess with the paranormal. It's dangerous! Once I was convinced my penthouse was haunted by a sinister figure with horns and a tail who raids my fridge and carries a pitchfork. I purchased some candles, lit some incense, and smudged my home with sage. Three days later I was wandering the streets not being able to find my way home. I still can't explain it, and I can't find my pitchfork. Spooky!

Dark Secrets

Dark Secrets is a program about a mysterious documentarian who discloses information about unusual phenomena. One episode is about a chain smoker who is discovered burned alive and embedded in his bathroom wall. I enjoyed this series because it wasn't very good, but I was initially confused as to whether this show was a documentary, or a scripted TV show in a documentary style. It had a definite X-Files vibe to it. Sorry, I can't seem to locate a trailer, and by that I mean one isn't immediately available on Youtube and I'm sick of looking.

Forgotten Planet

Forgotten Planet is a series exploring abandoned places around the world, which is something I really enjoy doing, and I'm looking forward to the time when someone will pay me to write about going to spooky places on a regular basis for large sums of cash. I'm entertaining any serious offers, and by "entertaining any serious offers" I mean "jumping at my own shadow and screaming like a 4-year old girl for a paycheck". 

Some of the places examined in Forgotten Planet are Chernobyl, Bodie, Detroit, and Gary, Indiana. I enjoyed this program. Here's a link to the trailer:

Paranormal Home Inspectors

I loved, loved, loved Paranormal Home Inspectors. It's terrible, cheesy, formulaic, and incredibly addictive. Here's the premise: Three Canadian home inspectors investigate claims of hauntings. One is a no-nonsense, skeptical, professional home inspector who scratches off every claim on his list with a completely disappointing and reasonable explanation, another is a researcher who straddles the line between believer and skeptic, and the last is a teary-eyed medium who never went into a house without being overwhelmingly convinced it's haunted. Like a Canadian Ghosthunters who are able to determine if your doors are hung square, the Paranormal Home Inspectors hunt things that go bump in the night and can tell if your home is properly insulated. I burned through a season in one late sitting, and was hungry for more. Paranormal Home Inspectors is ridiculous, not-especially spooky fun if you like stuff that sucks.

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