Saturday, August 23, 2014

Sadako 3D

The long-haired girl down the well slightly haunts the internet in this unimpressive 3D installment of the Ringu series. A cursed video clip of a man committing suicide unconvincingly kills people, and by "kill people" I really mean "showcase lackluster 3D effects of hair coming out of computer monitors, Sadako's hands reaching out to grab the viewer, and poorly animated CGI glass shards in slo-mo cascading around bystanders". Featuring more unenthusiastic jump scares than you can whip your hair at, Sadako 3D is a tepid failure as a 3D film and sequel to the original Ringu.

Oops, it looks as though someone replaced my trailer of the original Ringu film with a clip of giraffes fighting to the tune "Whip My Hair" because apparently that's relevant in 2014 and a really good song, and by "a really good song" I really mean "a nagging, irritating, cacophonous din that makes me want to rip off my own head and kick it down the street, and not in a good way".

Anyway, Sadako 3D blatantly illustrates the fact that in spite of technological advances in 3D, the basic concept is the same; guys in top hats hitting a paddle ball toward the screen in a ham-fisted attempt to marvel. You'll need your red/blue 3D glasses for this clip. You have those, right?

I ducked because I was convinced that paddle ball was going to hit me right in the eye, and by "I ducked because I was convinced the paddle ball was going to hit me right in the eye" I really mean "Meh, but nice chapeau, fella".

No comments:

Post a Comment