Kitten Party

Adorable kittens tumble on hardwood floors, bat around cat toys, and chase bits of string in this avant-garde horror film. Filled with voiceover narration, camera and boom shadows, and very little plot, the clumsy creatures leap, bound, and become startled from some unseen threat which never appears onscreen, increasing the unbearable tension in this 39 minute film. Featuring such extreme close-up camerawork that you can almost smell the litter box, very few of the fluffy kittens hit their marks, but they probably marked the furniture. Speaking of furniture, they climb willy-nilly all over it, as if no one is concerned at all with the upholstery. And speaking of art direction, which I didn't because there isn't any, it's mainly just items from Petsmart and bookshelves filled with copies of The Official Manual Of The State Of Missouri. Does the state of Missouri need an instruction manual, and why would kittens need such a tome? I don't know. While we ponder that, here's a trailer for Pet Sematary.

The stakes are high during a suspenseful, Hitchcockian sequence in Kitten Party once someone whips out the laser pointer, as cats faceplant into walls chasing after a beam of light. I don't know what diabolical monster is responsible for the terror of Kitten Party, and by 'the terror of Kitten Party' I really mean 'the terror of a tone deaf rendition of the tune "If You're Happy And You Know It" featuring nodding cats at the end of the film', but they probably shouldn't get behind a camera again. Speaking of the song "If You're Happy And You Know It", here's David Bowie singing the theme song for the remake of the classic noir horror film Cat People.

The remake wasn't so good, even though it has gooey panthers in it, but the original is excellent. I think I might start a freak folk band called David Bowie's Gooey Panthers, but I would hate to be sued. Gooey panthers can be a little touchy about that stuff, you know.

Unfortunately, I can't find a trailer for Kitten Party, but here's a home video of a cat watching Kitten Party.

I agree, Samson. I feel the same way about it, buddy.