Wednesday, August 20, 2014

The Wickeds

The dead rise from their graves, a vampire searches for his stolen amulet, ghosts haunt an abandoned house, and no horror cliche goes unexplored in this extremely low budget horror film starring Ron Jeremy. The Wickeds features zombies dressed in tie-dyed t-shirts who rise from their unconvincing graves which are loosely covered in hay, pixelated names on real-life headstones, Halloween store decorations as special effects, amateurish makeup, shaky camerawork, dodgy editing, inconsistent sound levels, continuity defying softcore love scene pants, and more camera and boom shadows than you can shake a plastic sword at. Nods to Nosferatu, Night Of The Living Dead, and Evil Dead only highlight that The Wickeds is lacking in character development, originality, and genuine thrills.

Why does the amulet bring the dead back to life? I don't know. What caused the kids to be trapped in an electrified room, forcing them to jump out of a second story window onto a mat covered by more hay? I'm not sure. And why don't the kids just drive away in their huge SUV? Maybe because the keys are in some dead kid's pants who is lying dead outside the house a few yards away, or maybe they just forgot it was there. Who's to say, really? And why doesn't anyone notice porn star Ron Jeremy is a grave robber? I'm almost certain someone would have at least mentioned it. Even the Scooby Doo gang would have acknowledged a legendary presence amongst them who is famous for not wearing any pants.

The Wickeds could use a few more scares, a few more laughs, and a better script, which is something that could be easily fixed with a complete re-write, re-cast, re-shoot, and several million dollars. Since it's so boring, shrill, and poorly lit, The Wickeds is only marginally recommended if you like stuff that sucks.

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