Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Blood Glacier

I was looking forward to seeing footage of a slow moving chunk of ice slaughter people, but unfortunately, Blood Glacier has very few glaciers in it, blood-filled or otherwise. And it doesn't kill anyone, it just appears briefly at the beginning of the film, and reappears at the very end. Let's break it down, shall we?

After waking up passed out on the floor of his weather shack in his tighty-whities, a climatologist discovers a glacier full of blood, lens flare, shaky cam, and suspect dubbing. Suddenly, he sees a giant fox/beetle hybrid, and no one believes him because he's often face down in a shack in his underpants.

After the blood glacier disappears, the climatologist pees on a giant wood louse because of global warming, and an unconvincing bird-thing with a huge claw attacks. Then a woman yells at another woman for eating a banana and crying. Sometime later, someone gets their face chewed off by a suddenly not-dead giant wood louse. Then the banana yelling woman drills a mutant flying ibex in the brain, and she's the kind of chick I want on my side during a flying mutant ibex apocalypse or any sort of banana-related emergency.

Blood Glacier is pretty slow moving at the start, but really picks up steam once bugs start exploding out of people's necks and mutants get pick-axed in the brain, so I'm going to say it's recommended if you like badly-dubbed foreign horror films with a WTF ending that kind of suck.

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