Friday, September 26, 2014

Werewolf Of Washington

Dean Stockwell's formidable & aptly cast eyebrows star in this absurd horror-comedy. The eyebrows play a junior press corp member who has an affair with the President's daughter, which naturally forces him to relocate to Budapest. While in Budapest, he almost runs into a motorcycle parked in the road, and he gently crashes into a tree. After a completely original turn of events not based on any previously published work, Dean is bitten by a werewolf and the natural thing to do is fly back to Washington. Suddenly, an irritating woman is found dead in a shopping cart. After riding atop the roof of a moving car, the werewolf kills another irritating woman at the Mobil station in slo-mo, and some unfortunate 1970s racial profiling happens. It's not very interesting.

Someone leaves a moon lander in the lavatory, and Dean has a panting, camera shadow and tic-filled werewolf transformation while talking on a princess phone and sitting in a rattan rocker. Then he licks a telephone booth.

After a little Who's On First-style repartee with a distracted President while straddling the gutter of a bowling alley lane with his fingers stuck in a bowling ball, Dean makes friends with a dwarf building a familiar looking monster, and by 'make friends with', I mean 'sniff each other's butts and lick each other's faces in a subtext-y way'. The dwarf disappears in a restroom stall, then the camera shoots down a camera shadow-filled hallway. It then dawned on me that this movie is fixated on restrooms and dislikes irritating women, but I'm not sure why, and if I did know, I shouldn't have to tell you.

Aboard Air Force One, where it's neither day nor night, Dean goes on a semi-rampage against a Southeast Asian Prime Minister and attacks the leader of the free world in a crowd of onlookers, military, and press but manages to escape and chase his girlfriend around a table. After seeming as though the movie has been playing for years and years, it ends just the way you think it would.

Werewolf Of Washington is boring, not especially horrifying, and unintentionally chuckle-inducing. It's mildly recommended if you like stuff that sucks.

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