Friday, September 19, 2014

The Being

Ruth Buzzi stars in this slow-moving horror film, and even I find it implausible that I just wrote the words "Ruth Buzzi stars in a horror film". After a radio announcer says something about 'a hound and a t-bone steak' and some homodiegetic narration, an Idaho youth flees a nuclear waste dump into an ordinary trash dump where he starts a junked car, then has his head eaten off. Then someone makes a Buick do donuts on a muddy dirt road to the sounds of Fleetwood Mac. Then someone gets hit in their continuity-defying hat with a half a dozen illegal trout. Then everyone heads to the drive-in.

The kids nowadays don't know what they're missing. Instead of watching nearly any movie they want anytime on their phones in HD, they could have gone to the drive-in to see a dim projection on an outdoor screen with a bunch of people who don't know when to turn off their lights or not to honk their horns. Yeah, those were the days.

Anyway, a naked chick on the drive-in movie screen gets killed while two young naked people get killed by something gooey in their car, and green slime pours from the 8-track stereo. Don't even get me started on the wonders of 8-track.

Then an infant finds a monster living in a hole during Ruth Buzzi's technicolor hen fruit finding contest, and Martin Landau sweeps.

After seemingly months of really boring movie and mind-numbingly wooden acting from the protagonist, The Being suddenly kicks into moderate-to-high gear with a black-and-white dream sequence featuring Martin Landau in a plane with a monster crawling on the roof, a bloody-eyed Ruth Buzzi riding a broom which is certainly worth the admission price, and a LOL-worthy moment as a monster jumps into a station wagon that the cast just treats as no big deal.

Suddenly, the monster finally appears, and it's awfully gooey, has an inflated skull for a head, and a bunch of teeth. It's actually pretty sweet, inexpertly maneuvered, and a little cheesy. Overall, The Being is recommended if you like stuff that sucks.

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