Monday, November 12, 2012

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

I really wanted to like this film. I just can't. I was looking forward to watching it this summer, but I found plenty of excuses to not go see it in the theater. Just as well. I actually think I liked Abraham Lincoln Vs. Zombies better. It at least didn't take itself so damn seriously. In my opinion, if you are presenting the idea of the 16th President defending America against the onslaught of any sort of undead creature, the result should be as just as absurd as the idea itself, and it should be fun. Sadly, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter isn't very fun. Most of the time, I was distracted by the CGI or the MMA. I would see Abraham Lincoln do a spinning back-kick, and I would think to myself, "I wonder what it would have been like in the 19th century if Presidents knew kung-fu. Like if 15th President James Buchanon was a secret kung-fu master. Now THAT would be a movie! Or if he was a ninja! Wow! I'd pay good money to watch 15th President James Buchanon put a ninja beat-down on the Panic Of 1857. He could go flying all Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon president-style, and he could wield a katana, and more presidents should carry around katanas...", and then I would realize that I just missed large chunks of movie imagining James Buchanon delicately flying over the rooftops of pagodas after admitting Kansas into the Union, even if that sounds like an awful idea. So yeah, if anyone wants me to write the screenplay for James Buchanon: Deadly Ninja, I'm available. It'll be terrible.

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