Tuesday, November 6, 2012


The Greatest American Hero, Norm from Cheers, and that guy from Night Court star in this horror comedy about a haunted house. No, not Harry Anderson, the other guy. The tall one. No, not John Larroquette, the bald one. Yeah, him. Anyway, I had to break up my viewing of House because Deathrage Towers lost power. The lights went out about the halfway point of the movie, and I had to watch the rest at a later date. I place every bit of blame for the power outage on my custodial staff. They weren't here when the storm hit, probably because I fired them all just the day before for some crazy whim that I can't remember right now. It might have had something to do with the proper storage of all my Halloween candy, and definitely had nothing to do with hurricane preparedness. Regardless, if they were here doing their job, and I'm not certain what that is specifically, I wouldn't have been forced to spend several days wandering through the building trying to find the circuit breaker with a lone lit candle looking like I'm haunting my own house. If they had left a map showing where crucial equipment was stored, like mops or fuses or generators, I wouldn't have had to dock their pay after the fact and I wouldn't have had to throw out all the Halloween candy. There wasn't anything wrong with the candy; in fact I survived a few harrowing hours being lost on the floor where the advertising offices are by sitting in a corner of the room ingesting several bags of 100 Grand candy bars in the dark surrounded by empty wrappers like a weirdo. If each of those little fun-sized nuggets of chocolate, rice crisps and caramel equal $100,000, I think probably I ate $20,000,000 in 100 Grand Bars. I was a little nauseous afterward. Anyway, I just threw all the fun-sized candy out in anger that my Halloween was ruined. Ok, in all honesty, I ate all the good candy and threw out the junky stuff. That's not important right now. My Halloween was ruined, I was trapped in a dark house with no movies, I was nauseous from a caramel overdose, and it was a living nightmare and not in a good way. Anyway, I'm not sure why I had so much candy, because I don't allow access to the building to any trick-or-treaters. Maybe it's because I would rather hoard the candy for myself, compulsively eat the chocolatey ones in a fit of irrational anger, throw it out the crappy suckers and taffy in a childish tantrum, and be a selfish jerk than give it away. I'm sure many people would agree with me, and if they don't, then, whatever. It's my candy I do what I want. And by the way, why did everyone stop calling Sandy Frankenstorm? That's a much better name than Sandy, even though the entire situation sucked.

So back to House. It was a lot better than one would expect for having all those TV stars in it.

No comments:

Post a Comment