Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Atlas In The Land Of The Cyclops: Terrible Movies #124

So after some dodgy opening titles featuring a real ocean then a painted ocean and then back again to a real ocean, we take a brief and bumpy boat ride. Then we see an enchantress I guess talking to a guy dressed in an animal skin in a hole eating a chunk of meat but it's really hard to tell because the print has degraded to an almost unwatchable state. Then soldiers briefly attack a village with swords and spears, and a bunch of very uninteresting things happen for awhile involving royalty and an infant. It's not important. The music swells triumphantly, and you see some dude sunning himself on a rock with a neck that looks like a handful of bungee cords, and then he walks up a hill, then he fights a lion, and the infant is there again, but ultimately it doesn't matter because the colors are actually sliding off the print and the plot is unintelligible. Then about a month later the movie ends after you watch a guy almost continuously lift heavy items and put them back down again. Oh, I forgot. There's no one named Atlas in this movie, and it's 95% cyclops-free. I watched it on Netflix Instant Streaming, if watching it is what you want to call it.

Here's clip, and it has the color blue (!) which the print I watched didn't have.

It doesn't help.

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