Saturday, May 14, 2011

Sssssss: Terrible Movies #122

The film opens with an intertitle thanking the crew for endangering their lives in Comic Sans font. At least I think it's Comic Sans. It could be I Dream of Jeannie font, if there is such a thing. Anyway, two grizzled men in sport-coats carry a suspicious crate that makes animal noises and you have the feeling everything's going to turn out fine. Then the credits roll, and you realize the movie is called Sssssss. I hope I put in the appropriate amount of S's because I would hate to misspell it. The S's are in a weird squiggly shape that's oddly reminiscent of something I can't quite recall.

Wait a minute. Is this film about snakes? I'm not sure. I hope I haven't given anything away because it's just so subtle you might not have noticed it and I would hate to ruin the movie for you.

Anyway, Starbuck from the original Battlestar Galactica is in this movie and everyone seems to pick on him. Then, for what seems like an eternity, everyone talks and talks and talks about snakes. Or maybe it's just a couple of people. Who knows? So, there's that.

This movie is not recommended for anyone who dislikes shag haircuts, bedazzled short shorts, being lectured to for hours about snakes, venom-based hallucinogenic montages with stock footage, skinny dipping to piano ballads in soft-focus with post-production foliage, or seeing animals or Starbucks mistreated. It's also quite ludicrous, herpetologically long-winded, slow-moving, and horrifically frightening if you're frightened by things that are boring. I watched it on DVD, and I shouldn't have. You can watch it on Netflix Instant Streaming, but there has to be something better you could be doing. Here's the trailer:

Wow, that almost makes this movie look exciting! It isn't.

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