Friday, May 20, 2011

Mutant Hunt: Terrible Movies #128

In a cyborg-filled future 1980's New York City, a villain who looks suspiciously like this...
...causes one sunglasses-wearing cyborg to knock the sunglasses-wearing head off another cyborg while a never-ending guitar solo accompanies a menacing Linn drum. Then the cyborgs destroy a balsa-wood laboratory in slo-mo for some reason. Then someone is chased by a laser-wielding cyborg, then there's a fight between a sunglasses-wearing cyborg and a guy in tighty-whities who just happens to have a crossbow because he uses it as decoration in his spartan wise-cracking sex-cyborg filled bedroom. Then a sunglasses-wearing cyborg throws the negligee-wearing wise-cracking sex-cyborg out a window, which naturally causes her head to leak yellow cyborg fluid on the sidewalk. This is all in the first 10 minutes of the movie.

So, there's orange lipstick, net shirts, torn leotards, acid-washed jeans, outlandish hairdos, gigantic perms, zippered jumpsuits, fingerless gloves, leather vests, and 100's of other '80's cliches. There's also wooden acting, an incomprehensible script, crappy editing, many continuity errors, and lighting that's reminiscent of a Pat Benatar music video. There's also unconvincing martial arts, an unconvincing hi-tech warehouse of imaginary future drugs, an unconvincing shower scene with a visible bathing suit that heard long before it's actually seen, several unconvincing explosions, a pair of gooey Nike high-tops, and what appears to be a man covered in aspic. Features lines of dialogue such as, "Tonight's the night Z is going to regret for the rest of his life...if he lives that long.", "Sounds like you have a bad pleasure jones.", "How do I get this bomb out of my head?", "I will be homicidally inactive until 6:17 a.m.", and "You're ugly". Highly recommended and completely amazing if you're amazed by stuff that sucks. I watched it on Netflix Instant Streaming in utter disbelief. Here's a trailer:

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