Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Planet Of The Vampires: Terrible Movies #112
In outer space in the future, a future when everyone will dress like Grace Jones after a night at a chilly S & M club when she needs to keep her ears warm, people in a spacecraft that looks like a PS3 controller stand around in front of computers and try to look science-fiction-y. Then everyone crawls around on the floor in an effort to look as though they're crashing on a foggy planet but sadly it just makes them look sweaty. Then everyone starts fighting for some reason, and it seems reminiscent of the X-Men if the X-Men didn't have any superpowers and if the X-Men sucked. So after that, everyone goes out to investigate the planet because that's just what they're supposed to do but you wish they wouldn't while someone says "I had to disconnect the Meteor Rejector" because something like that exists. Other than running back and forth between two spaceship sets and opening doors, not much else happens. Someone involved with making this film confuses vampires with possession and possession with something interesting rendering this film 100% vampire-free. There's a few scenes on the planet with the rocky landscape eerily lit in red and blue lights while swathed in fog, but they can't save this film. On Netflix Instant Streaming.