Sunday, January 9, 2011

I watch terrible movies so you don't have to #20: The Beast With 1,000,000 Eyes

A boring family in the desert bitches at one another. The mother burns baked goods, chews scenery, and you half expect her to go on a tirade about wire hangers. The woman who plays the daughter wears a bow in her hair and pops her collar so you can tell she's a teenager. A strange sound destroys their fine furnishings and causes animals to run amuck. Someone says, "Con sarn that darn cow". The animal actors are more convincing than their human counterparts, but that's faint praise. There's a half-hearted German Shepherd attack. There's a confused cow attack. Chickens are thrown. Grouse are thrown. Ham-fisted conservative symbolism of common fears of the 1950's (fear of threats from "out there", fear of the "other", fear of technology and futurism, fear of revolutions, etc.) plus a "strength in family" message means everyone in the end learns a valuable lesson. Everyone but me, because I'll still end up watching drivel like this. 100% million-eyed beast free. On Netflix Instant Streaming.

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